So there is a guy.

Isnt this how these things usually start any way?

I’m fairly interested in what this guy is about and thusly I text, he texts, we both text.

Then comes the lull, the one day no texting game.

I know its my turn to initiate the text, he’s been the one doing it all, but the problem is I’m afraid that I will come off as vapid.

Vapid, as in nothing interesting to say, conversate about, engage one another with.

And for this, I do not text.

However, if I dont text at all I seem disinterested, a bitch, a tease, lazy.

You name it, I am it.

This has caused me to question if I am becoming vain.

Interested in material things, falling deeper into the pit of consumerism henceforth not focusing on making myself a person of substance.

Is this who I am destined to be?

I was never like this.

What am I becoming?

Young, Vapid, Vain…

Forever and Always

S.

That is the question I found myself asking when I was complimented by a male stranger on the way back home from Walgreens. 

“You’re a pretty thing, god bless.”

Wow, well I didnt know how to feel about this one; was it a confirmer that I indeed was not a troll or was it just a fluke?

Was this guy on dehydration level 10?

(Dehydration is another word for thirsty bitches/n***as which is another word for desperate, relentless men/woman)

The past couple of days have been a struggle for me in the appearance department; I wasn’t feeling my hottest and my monster boss thought she could add spice to the day by saying my eyebrows made me look “Japanese.” Thanks.

So when I received this compliment I had to wonder if it was because he was all about the sexy time or because he genuinely thought I was decent looking.

I wont sit here, lie, and say I don’t like the attention cause the matter of the fact is, I do.

But as I was walking away from my one time adoring fan, I wondered,”Am I going to become one of those girls who thrives on the opinions of men?” 

Am I gonna be one of those facebook photo desperados who plaster their albums with half naked pictures and bikini pics all for the sake of receiving a “Damn, gurl! You lookin type right, give me a holla at (718)-ASS-HOLE”?

Was this the path I was paving for myself?

I also had to ask, “Why is it that us woman derive our confidence directly from men?” 

Not to say that all of us do, but with facebook and its many scantily clad women as my witness, I’m starting to notice that its becoming a growing trend. 

As I sat on my couch I had to remind myself not to get inflated by this man’s compliment.

Of course, it’s ok to appreciate what one man sees but at the end of the day the opinion that matters the most is that of self-reflection.

So really, why is it that we let men become the driving force in whether we validate our already sexy selves as hot or not?

Someone please let me know, let all of the women and men who ask this question know.

Forever and always

- S.

I’ve contemplated alot about making a blog but I have a long track record of inconsistency when it comes to these things.

But here goes my 5th attempt at a blog.

My name will not be used in this blog as it will at times be used for rantings and musings too embarrassing for me to become synonymous with.

My name will simply be S.

Forever and always.